Wednesday, June 14, 2017

My Walk

From a walk I took about a year ago:

I went for a walk this morning. Early. 7:18ish, to be slightly exact. The cool morning air felt fabulous and revitalizing. I spent much of my time pondering the oddity of the eclectic houses along all the streets I walked on. Some were huge and fancy while their neighbours were peeling under the decay of inefficient housing materials. Nearly all had nice gardens, though. I think there must be something special about a garden to an Italian. I’m assuming 80% of the neighbourhood is Italian. 15% is probably Asian (and you know they’re going to have nice gardens) and the remaining 5% of us thread our way into their culture and hope nobody notices that we don’t know how to home-make pasta noodles or properly grow a green bean.

My walk was also a time for introspection. Why did their peas have such perfect leaves and wind with the most perfect amount of grace around the cutest trestle, while the ferns in buckets in front of my door shamefully hung their leaves in a dreary brown colour? Aren’t I the one who took a Food Security certificate? Aren’t I the one proclaiming the wonders of growing our own food? It takes a lot of time and effort, I told myself, to grow a good garden. Perhaps it wasn’t as important to me as I’d expected. There are more important things, I said. More important than digging alone in dirt and worrying about the right concentration of fertilizer and how thirsty the plants may or may not be. Right? What did I care enough about to refocus my energies on and soar in?

I passed a dull red house with fantastic yellow trim and had to admire the hydrangea serrata bursting like sentinels on either side of its gate. I didn’t know that’s what those blue flowery bushes were called, I had to look it up, but they captured my attention with an almost eerie magnetism. God makes incredible things, I thought as I gazed upward toward the distant mountains covered in misty clouds. Dear God, who made the mountains and the clouds…and every kind of plant, how beautiful they are!

The streets were very quiet. The garbage trucks were the early bird, chirping in their bass rumble as they picked up their load. A few cars passed by. I imagined the stoicism of their drivers as they began the trek into downtown. They knew the traffic and the parking prices that awaited them and I admired their determination and courage to persevere.

I thought of my husband as I walked. We’d only been married about a month and a half and I missed him when he was gone to work. I preferred the expanse of open air to the confines of our basement suite while I waited for his day to inch along. It’s not that our suite is dismal or gloomy; it’s actually quite nice. The landlords had renovated last year and although their renovations seemed to have required the basement to flood twice, things were clean and dry now. It is small, but we don’t need much space. What bothers me are the windows. Small kitchen? I’ll survive. No dishwasher? I’ll suck it up and manage. Tiny closet? We’ll improvise. Teeny windows with a view of the neighbour houses’ decaying exterior? I think I’ll hide under a blanket and watch my fish tank until I fall into a stupor on the floor.

Perhaps this is why summer is around the corner and why the view out our “front” door is vibrant in its green fields, stunning in its majestic mountains, wistful in its glistening waters and slightly disappointing in its expanse of oil refineries and tug boats. To be fair, some mornings, as the mist clears off the waters and the sun begins to sparkle through the dew on the grass, the oil refineries seem an attempt to elevate the beauty of God’s creation over our efforts to exploit it. Other times, as the rain sleets down and the cold makes me wish for a roaring fire, they seem to laugh and mock and pound their giant feet with chants of expansion and dominion. But they never really win. Even as the rain pours the grass gets greener and the mountains loom taller. And, eventually, as I focus on the trees and the whispers of wind, I see that even the towers full of oil must bow to the one who created their potential to exist.

Life is good. I have little to complain about. The mall will open in a little over an hour and I’ll have an excuse to take the car out. We’re getting rid of it in a little over two weeks, so I feel the need to take advantage of its transportational assistance while I can.

My walk slowed down as I make my way along the final blocks back home. What really matters? What deserves my attention and devotion? The clock was ticking as the sidewalk passed by and the question lingered. I know the answer, but it’s hard for me to put my finger on it and type it out. I see the faces of my family and of my husband; I see the cross on the steeple of a church, I see the faces of the early morning commuters and I feel the embrace that only God can give as He wraps us all up in His arms and sets us on His path.
“Blessed is the man who makes the LORD his trust…” (Ps 40:4).
“Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths. Be not wise in your own eyes; fear the LORD, and turn away from evil. It will be healing to your flesh and refreshment to your bones.” (Pr 3:5-8).
“Do not lay up for yourself treasures on earth…but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven…For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” (Mt 6:19-21).
“Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life…But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things [food, clothing, drink] will be added to you.” (Mt 6:25, 33).
“Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth. For you have died and your life is hidden with Christ in God. When Christ who is your life appears, then you also will appear with him in glory.” (Col 3:2-4)
“For those who live according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who live according to the Spirit set their minds on the things of the Spirit. For to set the mind on the flesh is death, but to set the mind on the Spirits is life and peace.” (Rom 8:5-6).

Yup, the answer isn’t too far to find.

Caught a Cold

I’ve been trying to exercise more lately just to be healthier. Ironically, after two weeks of increased activity I got sick. My nose saw no reason to let this stop it from exercising, though, and has since taken up running. The rest of me has taken up lying on my bed and pondering sickness and its relation to the will of God. I don’t think God wants me to be sick. That is to say, I don’t think He takes pleasure in the fact that I am suffering. And yet, why not? I deserve death and all I get is a cold. My throat hurts, my nose runs, my body aches, I’m tired, and it reminds me of the fading glory of this life. Sown in weakness, raised in power (1 Corinthians 15:43). I am, perhaps, over dramatizing a simple (yet entirely unpleasant) cold, but who says it has to be the big things that make you think of the important things?

Maybe God want me to be sick. Perhaps it reminds me to ask, “Really, Heidi?! This is what you want to live for: a body that betrays you and decays and suffers and that will eventually kick you out?”

(there are greater things to live for!)

Working Title: Fear and Anxiety

"And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? If then you are not able to do as small a thing as that, why are you anxious about the rest?...Instead, seek His kingdom and these things will be added to you." (Luke 12:25-26,31)

I skipped to the end there because I wanted to emphasize the contrast between worrying about our personal needs and focusing on God's kingdom.

Lately I've been dealing with a lot of anxiety and fear and I've realized that I think about myself and my comfort quite a lot - almost overwhelmingly so. When I'm always looking at myself, it's hard to look at God.

I don't have much control, so when I look at myself I see a loss of control and that's frightening. When I can finally tear my eyes away from myself and look at God instead, I see His desires and working and perfect control. That's comforting. I realize my life isn't about me. That sounds strange, but it really isn't. I experience life through myself because there's no other way for me to experience it, but that doesn't mean my life is all about me.



Sunday, March 9, 2014

Transformation

How do you let God change you? You give yourself to Him and you let Him do whatever He needs to. You submit to God’s will and you surrender your dignity (perhaps) and your comfort and your sinful (including selfish) desires and you obey everything God tells you to do.

Spend tons of time with Him and read the Bible. Practice what you learn from those times. This will help renew your mind as you learn to think like God thinks and see things how He sees things and this will likewise transform your life.


Why is it so easy to forget that the Christian life is a relationship with God? It's not a magic formula. 

Saturday, September 7, 2013

Up where the air is sweet...

The road is narrow
And the path is steep,
But up above
The air is sweet.

Do we always feel like we have to get somewhere for all to be good? Why is the path always the trying part? Isn't it also good? We run to win the prize, but the path isn't a hurdle to the finish line, it is the means. It is good because of where it's leading. Not that bad things don't happen or that there are no hurdles, but the path isn't something to take a deep breath and plunge into stoically. It's something to rejoice in and take joy from. And the air does get sweeter.

Let me give an example to help that make sense. I want to know God. I want to know His character so well and His voice so easily. How do I get there? I spend time with Him and I read His words in the Bible. The Bible isn't something that I should pull out grudgingly and wonder when I'll have read and soaked in enough to be at that point I want to be at with God. It's something I should rejoice in and take joy from. Every time I open the Bible I am learning from God and I am taking another step along the path. I become closer to God as I go.

I don't despair that I'm not at the top. I rejoice that I am where I am and that I am moving upwards. I don't think to myself, 'What's the point? I never reach the top.' because the point is to reach the top when I reach the top. At this moment, the point is to be where I am, climbing and enjoying the view as I go. Of course I have the end in mind - that's why I'm on this path, it's taking me to the prize. But the journey is good.

I'm not actually sure if any of this makes sense. It's got to do with contentment and it's got to do with perseverance and it's got to do with joy in all circumstances and it's got to do with finding the good in where you're at. Find joy in your struggle to climb.

I could talk a lot more about most of these points... and perhaps I should. I'm afraid that some of what I've said may be misinterpreted. I don't mean that we should be sluggish in our climb. Analogies always fall apart at some point and they can feel rather abstract, so if this just left you confused and it didn't help you at all, then just ignore it.

Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize. Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last, but we do it to get a crown that will last forever. Therefore I do not run like someone running aimlessly; I do not fight like a boxer beating the air. No, I strike a blow to my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize.

Saturday, August 31, 2013

Take a deep breath. Hold your hands above your head. Take a hold of your heart and hang it on the sky. Don't let go. Open your eyes. Jump. Find a spot in the blue sky and fly there. Don't give up; keep going. Never come back down. 

Have big dreams because God does big things. Fix your eyes on Him and you will never fall. Hardships will come and things will look dim, but there are no failures when you are following God. 

Do take care to seek God's will. Find where He is working and join Him there. Hang your heart on His. 

I will bless the Lord at all times;
    his praise shall continually be in my mouth.
My soul makes its boast in the Lord;
    let the humble hear and be glad.
Oh, magnify the Lord with me,
    and let us exalt his name together!

I sought the Lord, and he answered me
    and delivered me from all my fears.
Those who look to him are radiant,
    and their faces shall never be ashamed.
This poor man cried, and the Lord heard him
    and saved him out of all his troubles.
The angel of the Lord encamps
    around those who fear him, and delivers them.

Oh, taste and see that the Lord is good!
    Blessed is the man who takes refuge in him!
Oh, fear the Lord, you his saints,
    for those who fear him have no lack!
The young lions suffer want and hunger;
    but those who seek the Lord lack no good thing.

Come, O children, listen to me;
    I will teach you the fear of the Lord.
What man is there who desires life
    and loves many days, that he may see good?
Keep your tongue from evil
    and your lips from speaking deceit.
Turn away from evil and do good;
    seek peace and pursue it.

The eyes of the Lord are toward the righteous
    and his ears toward their cry.
The face of the Lord is against those who do evil,
    to cut off the memory of them from the earth.
When the righteous cry for help, the Lord hears
    and delivers them out of all their troubles.
The Lord is near to the brokenhearted
    and saves the crushed in spirit.

Many are the afflictions of the righteous,
    but the Lord delivers him out of them all.
He keeps all his bones;
    not one of them is broken.
Affliction will slay the wicked,
    and those who hate the righteous will be condemned.
The Lord redeems the life of his servants;
    none of those who take refuge in him will be condemned.
Ps 34

Thursday, September 13, 2012

does this really need a title?

Sometimes I get overwhelmed by all the different viewpoints in Christianity. I start wondering how we know what is right. I believe there is truth and that we can know it, so it is frustrating when it seems so fleeting and elusive.

Semantics are difficult, awkward, annoying and oh-so important. To ignore them would be disastrous. But, they also cause a lot of difficulty and division... even when the issue doesn't deserve it... even when both sides believe the same thing. I wish people understood each other as well as God understands us. H'm... wishful thinking indeed.

God uses people from all sorts of denominations and movements. Does God only use those who have their theology perfectly aligned? I certainly hope not and I don't believe so. Probably next to no one would be used by God in that case. (Or is that just pessimistic thinking?) What is important? I think the apostle Paul wrote something pretty good concerning this in his letter to a church in Ephesus.

"I, therefore, the prisoner of the Lord, entreat you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling with which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, showing forbearance [patient self control; restraint and tolerance] to one another in love, being diligent to preserve the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace. There is one body and one Spirit, just as also you were called in one hope of your calling; one Lord, one faith, one baptism, one God and Father of all who is over all and through all and in all." Ephesians 4:1-6

Seeking peace, harmony and truth. (Yes, I believe it is possible to have all three together). We have all been called to follow Christ and serve His purpose, looking down on no one, but loving everyone. This doesn't mean accepting everyone's beliefs... accepting every belief relegates your own beliefs to a confusing incoherency (kinda like that sentence)... but it means accepting every person as loved and called by God. Our goal should be to help each other in that endeavour...together...solidarity in seeking God and His purpose. I want everyone to seek truth together and never be convinced that we know everything. How do we do this? Just like Paul said, 'with all humility and gentleness, with patience, showing forbearance to one another in love, being diligent to preserve the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.' What does that look like? I'm not sure exactly, but I'd like to try and find out.