update on la vida-ish

Well, it's been a while since my last entry. The half hour with God a day isn't going well at all. I've got lots of excuses why it isn't: I get distracted easily, uses up too much mental energy, I always think of other "important" things I need to do, don't have time...etc.

Whenever I do spend time with God, though, I'm so glad I did. The day after I wrote my last entry I forgot to spend a focused half hour with God, but I did listen to a very interesting sermon that is a bit challenging (not to excuse my lack of one-on-one God time).

At church the pastor talked about David and how he sat in his giant palace and realized that the Arc of God was sitting in a tent. So, David sacrificed a huge fortune and built a building worthy for the Arc of God.

Psalm 132:3-5 says,

"I [David] will not enter my house or get into my bed, I will not give sleep to my eyes or slumber to my eyelids, until I find a place for the Lord, a dwelling place for the Mighty One of Jacob."

I think the point of the message was to make us realize how often we place ourselves in palaces and forget that God is sitting in a tent. We work so hard for ourselves to make ourselves comfortable that we ignore the work of God. God and His will and His work should be glorified beyond our own needs and desires. That's not to say that our needs aren't legitimate or our desires worth fulfilling... but when it comes to a choice between God's work or our needs/desires, God is first.

And so, why, if I need to place God first and build Him a place worthy for Him, do I fail almost every day in spending time with Him? I believe it's not just a mental struggle, but a spiritual one, too.

I find it very hard sometimes to do something for God when I was set on doing something nice for myself. And, I still don't often know the difference between needing to do something for myself and wanting to do something for myself. I'm still working on discerning my own motives - that's an interesting (and rather difficult) endeavor to take on...

So, I will continue to try and spend that time with God each day... because He deserves it and I'm not willing to give in to the enemy's attacks and attempts at distracting me away from God. My relationship with God has grown so hugely these past years and I'm not going to let it be torn down because I wanted to play that computer game or was too tired to talk to God.


I was not created to be a Brother Andrew or a Billy Graham; I was created to be a Heidi Banman.

La Vida....ish

I just moved into my new townhouse a couple days ago and I really love it. I'm sitting on our new couch... I played some games, searched for some jobs (still can't find a job in this crazily large city!!), and tried doing some oil painting (I actually don't really know how to oil paint), I watched a chick flick all by myself (don't judge me... I know all you girls out there have, too - or, perhaps you haven't) and now - almost needless to say - I feel like eating some ice cream. Unfortunately, I don't have any.

I've been having a difficult time taking time to sit back and talk with God. I'm always glad when I do, but I feel a bit like the seeds thrown on the ground and choked by the weeds of distractions: Internet, books, movies... anything. But, last night I was home alone and I sat on the couch and turned on my radio and listened to worship music while pouring out some of my thoughts to God. Then I decided to worship God through art and started painting. I felt good afterward. Spending time with God is always good... so why is it so hard to take the time to sit with Him?

I'm going to try to make a habit of spending at least a half an hour of focused time with God every day. Perhaps I shall keep you all posted on how that goes.