guilty feelings

Lots of times I feel guilty for not doing something I feel I should be... like reading my Bible or praying or learning more about God... or doing homework. It's a naggy kind of guilty feeling. I'm so tired of it. It feels as if I'm not doing a good enough job in my relationship with God. Homework ties in with that. I want to glorify God with my work, but am I glorifying Him when I don't put my all into all my assignments? That could be a bit of my perfectionism coming out too, but I don't know. I should spend more time with God. But, whenever I think about spending time with God, all these other ideas of other things to do pop into my head... things that are easier. When I do spend time with God and am really open and honest with Him, I always feel much better... so, what makes it so difficult to actually get to that point? I'm always so distracted. It'll probably get easier to set aside distractions and focus on God as I spend more time with Him.

What about that line in the song "In Christ Alone" that says "No guilt in life, no fear in death." No guilt in life.

In Hebrews 10:19-23 it says,

"Therefore, brothers, since we have confidence to enter the Most Holy Place by the blood of Jesus, by a new and living way opened for us through the curtain, that is, his body, and since we have a great priest over the house of God, let us draw near to God with a sincere heart in full assurance of faith, having our heats sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience and having our bodies washed with pure water. Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess for he who promised is faithful."

That's so beautiful. We draw near to God, having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience. Does this mean that we don't have to feel guilty about the things we do? (Also following with the idea that "No one who lives in Him keeps on sinning." - 1 John 2:19... we don't make a habit of sin). Or does it mean that the guilt of sin that leads to death is no longer necessary, because we've already been forgiven? Are those two things even different?

"There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus." - Romans 8:1

I don't think I should feel guilty. Working on a relationship motivated by guilt sounds pathetic. So, what should motivate me? Well, I do want to talk to God and learn about Him. So, what should convince me to spend that time with Him? Uhmm... I'm not sure. Practice? Because I do want to spend that time with Him, but I get distracted and sometimes I feel daunted just thinking about all the brain power I'm going to have to put into talking with God. It's always worth it, though. God knows my heart. He knows what I desire. I'm going to put in an effort to not feel guilty and instead I'll follow God's leading (not the leading of my guilty conscious) and not put myself down when I fail to follow through.

I think that makes sense. Usually I can't write a blog like this too quickly because my perfectionism makes me go over and over what I've written to make sure it's perfect and true. I don't think that's a bad thing, but I'm going to publish this post anyways... even though I haven't spent all that much time on it. So, take what I've written with a grain of salt and check it out for yourself because I'm fallible and perhaps I haven't gotten everything right.

Contentment and Boredom cont...

Alright... so I just finished listening to the second part of Charles Stanley's "The Key to Contentment" talk last night. I thought I should probably update with the new stuff I learned about being content.

He talked from Philippians 4:6-7, which says

"...do not be anxious about anything anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

He defined contentment again... I like the definition. He said contentment is the capacity to deal with your situation without feeling restless or anxious. Perfectly at peace.

Charles Stanley related everything he talked about as either providing contentment or anxiety... and even though I don't feel particularly anxious most of the time, I realize that when I'm not content in my circumstance, I do worry. Not to the extent that it feels overwhelming (at least, not usually), but I still feel anxious. My life at those moments just feel like something to get out of so that I can move on to the next - hopefully more exciting - part in my life. That causes a certain amount of anxiety. I think I'd prefer contentment.

First, go to prayer. "do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer... let your requests be made known to God."

Charles Stanley talked about recognizing God's omniscience when we pray. Realizing that God knows all about my situation and He knows what to do with it. My life isn't exactly super thrilling right now, but God knows that and He knows what to do about it.

I also need to recognize that God always sees all my problems and situations. He's right here with me in the midst of all my life's situations.

...God has said, "Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you."

Hebrews 13:5

Doesn't matter what's going on. God will always be there and He knows exactly when and how to act. I need to remember this when I pray. I am not on my own.

"The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything..."

Philippians 4:5b-6a

(I think that's a cool thought... usually when we quote that passage about not being anxious, we leave out the first part that says "The Lord is at hand." It makes more sense not to be anxious when you remember that the Lord is right there).

God can handle my problems, too (even if they're boredom). God is omnipotent.

"If God can't handle it, then it can't be handled. So, why should I worry about it?"

-Charles Stanley (audio archive, Jan 10, 2008)

Charles Stanley said that he believes that some people live in constant anxiety because they aren't willing to admit that they can't handle their situations. Admitting that I can't handle and don't know what to do with my boredom and telling God that, shows that I realize that God is ultimately in control and that He can handle whatever I'm going through. Wow! Just to feel that freeing power... to know that God can handle what I am incapable of dealing with. Incredible! And that He will handle it. Amazing! What indescribable love He must have for us!

"...do not be anxious about anything anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God."

"let your requests be made known to God." Let God know what you need (not that He doesn't already know... but talking with God is always great and perhaps it'll clarify what's going on for yourself - it's good to verbalize sometimes). I think it's fantastic to be honest with God... it doesn't work to hide things from Him because He knows everything and pretending it doesn't exist doesn't help you.

The three "steps" that Charles Stanley suggested for learning to be content is

1. Focus on God
2. Focus on your complete helplessness
3. Thanksgiving (an expression of faith - knowing that God is there and that He can handle whatever I'm going through)

It seems like there has been a theme of giving up control to God in my life lately. I'm learning over and over that it is God who holds the power over everything and it is Him (and only Him) who changes me and who can change my circumstances. Perhaps I'll have to write about that sometime soon.

"...and the peace of God, that transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus."

That sounds so cool. Peace guarding my heart. No room for anxiety/worry or restlessness while Peace is on duty! Give up control and allow God to step in. He knows what's happening, He knows what to do, and He can do it. He isn't going to leave you (or me!).

Perhaps, as I practice giving up control and admitting my inability to control and as I learn to trust God completely with every circumstance in my life, I'll come to the point - that Charles Stanley described - where I can lie down in my bed at night and say "Hallelujah!" Why? No reason, just "Hallelujah!" God is in control. Praise God!

***
(If you want to listen to some of Charles Stanley's talks... here's the website http://www.intouch.org/site/c.cnKBIPNuEoG/b.4943225/k.9234/Audio_Archives.htm)
***

God is good.
He knows what He's doing.
I can trust Him.

Boring Life and Contentment

It seems that lately any time someone asks me how I'm doing I reply, "Alright. Life's kind of boring right now."

Perhaps I need to make it more exciting, or perhaps I need to learn contentment in boring situations.

I listened to the first part of a sermon by Charles Stanley last night. It was called "The Secret to Contentment." Contentment is something I've been trying to learn about for the past year and a half or so (ever since going to Bolivia - you can read my other blog for more details on that). Life just sometimes gets to a point where everything is the same day after day... and life is just boring... or annoying.

Charles Stanley defined contentment a few different ways...

Contentment is the sense of sufficiency found in our sufficiency in Christ Jesus
Contentment is a sense of inner peace, inner quietness and rest

I know when we give our lives to God that there is no more need for anxiety and worry. We can have peace and inner quietness and we can rest in God. When we rely on ourselves, we rely on someone who cannot control the future and who does not know what is going to happen. There is no security in that. When we give our lives to God and rely on Him, we are trusting in someone who can take care of us completely and who has ultimate control over where our lives go. We just have to give over that control and stop pulling away to rely on ourselves. God is good (all the time!) and He knows what's good for us. When we trust God, there is no more need for worry.

But, as for my boring life, I'm not really anxious... I'm just bored. But, I suppose that in that I need to trust that God knows what He's doing.

The other points he made that I thought were interesting are the roots of anxiety. He said that there are three main ones...

1. Fear... fear leads to anxiety. Sounds obvious enough. It's a fear of lack of control, of the future, of the question "will I be able to handle the future?"

2. Unbelief... not believing that God can handle all the things that come our way.

3. Attempting to play God... we think that we're strong enough and able enough to control certain situations - when we find that we can't control them, we become anxious

The third point he made that I thought was rather nicely put was that the first step to contentment is to recognize your inability to cope with life, to deal with sin and guilt. Then... (this is me talking, not Charles Stanley... because I haven't listened to his talk any farther than this)... we need to give our lives over to God because He's already taken care of our sin - we don't need to feel guilt and shame (not that we can give ourselves permission to keep on sinning with the excuse that we don't need to feel guilty... but I'll leave that discussion for another time). When we give our lives to God, He can transform us into new people that are able to praise Him and work for His glory. Then we need to trust Him with our lives. And then we find contentment. I think there must be more to it than that... perhaps not, but I'll update once I've finished the rest of Charles Stanley's talk.

So, perhaps life seems rather boring right now, but my life is God's and I know He knows what He's doing. So, I'm going to relax and I'm going to trust Him (right now!). Perhaps then life won't be so boring when I realize that God said "Heidi go to Ambrose" and that since He said that, He has a plan for me here (no matter how uninteresting it may seem right now). Perhaps just trusting that God knows what He's doing will put life into my life. I think so.

God is Good
He knows what He is doing
I can trust Him (all the time!)