guilty feelings

Lots of times I feel guilty for not doing something I feel I should be... like reading my Bible or praying or learning more about God... or doing homework. It's a naggy kind of guilty feeling. I'm so tired of it. It feels as if I'm not doing a good enough job in my relationship with God. Homework ties in with that. I want to glorify God with my work, but am I glorifying Him when I don't put my all into all my assignments? That could be a bit of my perfectionism coming out too, but I don't know. I should spend more time with God. But, whenever I think about spending time with God, all these other ideas of other things to do pop into my head... things that are easier. When I do spend time with God and am really open and honest with Him, I always feel much better... so, what makes it so difficult to actually get to that point? I'm always so distracted. It'll probably get easier to set aside distractions and focus on God as I spend more time with Him.

What about that line in the song "In Christ Alone" that says "No guilt in life, no fear in death." No guilt in life.

In Hebrews 10:19-23 it says,

"Therefore, brothers, since we have confidence to enter the Most Holy Place by the blood of Jesus, by a new and living way opened for us through the curtain, that is, his body, and since we have a great priest over the house of God, let us draw near to God with a sincere heart in full assurance of faith, having our heats sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience and having our bodies washed with pure water. Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess for he who promised is faithful."

That's so beautiful. We draw near to God, having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience. Does this mean that we don't have to feel guilty about the things we do? (Also following with the idea that "No one who lives in Him keeps on sinning." - 1 John 2:19... we don't make a habit of sin). Or does it mean that the guilt of sin that leads to death is no longer necessary, because we've already been forgiven? Are those two things even different?

"There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus." - Romans 8:1

I don't think I should feel guilty. Working on a relationship motivated by guilt sounds pathetic. So, what should motivate me? Well, I do want to talk to God and learn about Him. So, what should convince me to spend that time with Him? Uhmm... I'm not sure. Practice? Because I do want to spend that time with Him, but I get distracted and sometimes I feel daunted just thinking about all the brain power I'm going to have to put into talking with God. It's always worth it, though. God knows my heart. He knows what I desire. I'm going to put in an effort to not feel guilty and instead I'll follow God's leading (not the leading of my guilty conscious) and not put myself down when I fail to follow through.

I think that makes sense. Usually I can't write a blog like this too quickly because my perfectionism makes me go over and over what I've written to make sure it's perfect and true. I don't think that's a bad thing, but I'm going to publish this post anyways... even though I haven't spent all that much time on it. So, take what I've written with a grain of salt and check it out for yourself because I'm fallible and perhaps I haven't gotten everything right.