Trust and Attack

I trust God, but I know that sometimes things that I expect to happen and things that I trust God to bring about don't happen. So, my trust and faith in God waivers. Not my faith in His existence, but in His plan whether to step in to help me or not. I don't think I know what God's plan is. So, I trust that God's will will be done (of course! What could stand in His way?!), but I don't know what His will is and so I'm not sure what I'm trusting to happen - and this gets confusing.

I would trust Him to keep my parents safe as they drive home, but I don't know if they will be kept safe. I don't know what God's will is concerning that. I pray for their safety and I believe that God can keep them safe, but I don't know if He will.

God tells us not to doubt when we pray - does that mean to have absolute faith that whatever we prayed for will happen... or does it mean to have absolute faith in God's purposes? I know that when we pray in God's will, then what we pray for will happen, but how do we know that what we pray for is God's will? Some people pray for a ministry to take off the ground (how couldn't that be God's will??) and it never does. What happened? Did we miscalculate God's will? How can one possibly calculate God's movements?! This is turning into a stream-of-consciousness.... um... but honestly, what an interesting topic/question! I could go on, but I would start going in circles.


I have had about 3 spiritual attacks in dreams in the past couple months. They have scared me like I've never been scared before, but they have also strengthened my faith in such enormous ways. I have realized that any power I credited to myself is actually God's. When I can do nothing - not even speak (as happened in the first dream) - God crushes my enemy. I have learned that no matter what happens God is with me and He will not let anything happen to me without His approval. With that assurance my fears begin to ease.

But, I was still scared. One or two nights ago I had another dream. I was still terrified when this one happened, but unlike the first two dreams my words came out easily as I rebuked the enemy and I was much more confident and bold. I'm not really sure if this last dream really was an attack or if it was just a dream, but it stilled scared me despite the victory. What am I scared of? I remind myself that God is always with me, that I have a guardian angel, that God will not let anything happen to me that He doesn't allow. I am afraid of being scared and of being placed in a position of defense. I was scared and I told God exactly what I was feeling and He said I needed to read the Bible, so I did and I flipped to Ephesians 6 and read verse 10.

Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of His might.

Do not rely on my own strength. It is God's strength that I can rest in. His might is stronger than anything imaginable and unimaginable. I am strong when I stand with God. What a relief. What a calm peace I can have realizing that it's not up to me to do anything... because I can't do a thing.